24 August 2015 @ 11:59 am
The Marks  
An exercise from my current textbook for a film class "Directing". It's an exercise in determining what kind of stories I want to tell. The marks are the experiences that have shaped my life.

The Reflections List: 
  1. Kuwait. I hate talking about it. The place is ass backwards and an example of what an overly zealous religious lifestyle can do to a community. It is also my foundation for belief in feminism. If you want to "follow a man" then do so, but you shouldn't be legally forced to. Sometimes I like to follow a man. Sometimes I don't. It's my choice, not a law. 
  2. Being a military brat. I hated my life for many years. Always saying goodbye. Always moving. But now I can't imagine have staying in one spot forever. How can people do that? 
  3. Kelso, WA. The one place I didn't have to fear moving from, until the end. I was myself there. The real me. I think the real me still hides up there sometimes. But I also now after this last trip, that I have grown and I'm not a part of that community as much anymore. I am a distant connection. A past, and so are they. It's still home though.
  4. I don't have a name for this experience. But it was the wild time in my life. A lot of experimentation. I even dated a guy in a local band. It was empowering but exhausting after awhile. I left that phase to pursue my first degree. 
  5. The "Hims" of my past. The control freak who would tell me to not speak unless spoken to at his business meetings, who would dismiss me with a lengthy email whenever I would not do what he wanted, who even controlled my diet and my beliefs, the lazy ass who would work but would piss his income away on beer and shots, whose body I would walk over in the mornings passed out in the hallway from the night before on my way to work - I carrying all the bills.
  6. My father's mother. The narcissist of the family. The one always making us run and defend ourselves. The one I pray I never become like. 
I don't have to continue I already see it. 

My experience is in the human experience. Feelings, loss, abuse, hatred, all the nasty emotions we dislike. But also the good ones. I've had good experiences. Good memories. I don't focus on them as I should. 

My common theme is I'm never myself. And I resent those who attempt to control me.

And the irony is, I allow them to.


I think I better sign up for the drama crew. 

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20 August 2015 @ 09:11 pm
Me Verses Them  
Sorry for my lack of updates. Some stressful last few days. And probably more to come. I just keep having to remind myself to allow life to happen and not to fight things.

In other news, as of today I am officially on the IMDB. No not under my nickname, but my real name. So it's one credit, but it's something.

Is it petty to sit here and wanna pick up the phone and call people who have so devalued me this year and shove it in their face? I mean, what have they done that's important? But be bar flys and drama kings/queens.

I won't, but don't think the thought hasn't crossed my mind. As an artist I will remain classy. I will always have "haters" chomping at the bit behind my back. They can have their shallow unhappy boring lives of bars and drama. 

I'll have a name. 

And they... will remain the unknown and never was. 
Current Mood: accomplished
16 May 2015 @ 07:49 pm
The Crazy Ones  
What an amazing day. My first project as an intern was to find a drive thru location locally that would allow us to film 3 actors arguing and taking an order. My director wanted Hardees.

Now I dunno how I pulled this off but I somehow did. And, hours later I sit here somewhat stunned in shock that me, little old me is actually doing this. Aren't I suppossed to be the fuck up? The drama queen? The crazy girl? Well whatever may be said I clearly am making things happen. I dunno what's out there in this world giving me these chances but im here. I'm along for the ride and im letting it flow.

In other news, my car was used as a prop. It's in the movie lol. If I had known what I know now when I bought it hahah.

But embarrassing funny story, I hadn't cleaned my car since January. The whole crew watched 2 bags of trash be removed from my car. I promise now to always keep my car clean hahaha.
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Current Mood: accomplished
05 March 2015 @ 01:52 pm
Thin Mints  
Julie Blackmon, is a new to me photographer. Skimming her book while in class, I stumbled upon this image, which at first I discounted as a Beatles remake, until my eye wandered towards the lower left. I laughed, I smiled, I declared it my new fave photo.

It's so cute and hilarious.

Link: http://www.ggibsongallery.com/julie-blackmon-thin-mints/
Current Mood: amused
05 March 2015 @ 12:45 pm
I think you're freaky....  
Admit it, it's catchy...
Current Mood: amused