Maat - Justice (Reversed): An advisement to accept my part in situations and not allow total blame on others. This is interesting as I can apply it to multiple people and situations. This ones hard to narrow down however with so many possibilities. The truth is, any person in any situation can take accountability for things they have done, both positive or negative or both. So the card isn't exactly leading me anywhere except a common sense reminder to not blame shift and look at things objectively.

Bear (Reversed): A warning that I have confused my internal dialogue and have allowed other people's thoughts and advice to impact my path. Only my dreams can be achieved by me, by my thoughts and in my knowledge of what I want and whats best for me. Now this is a no-brainer. I've been listening to way too many people this year, and allowed them to suggest and act on my behalf way too much. I should have stopped a lot of things, people and situations before things went as some things did. But you trust, believe that people tell the truth and hope that motives are never at play. Thus year I've seen a lot of motives at play. A LOT. I sadly may have trustingly walked into many of these motives and power struggle games. All of which managed to accomplish nothing for the people playing them, except for me to embarrass them in some form or another. The sad part is, I knew on some level the games, who played them, who was lying, and I sat back until I couldn't take it anymore. Perhaps this is where I examine my need to accept some of the blame. I foolishly let people act on my behalf or walk over me all while I knew what they were doing. Why I did this I have no fucking idea. I guess it was blind denial. I had to have faith that I had good people around me. Yeah... I didn't.

But it hasn't been a loss. In all this I've met very good people who are low drama, who are positive and happy people. And when I hang out with them it's always fun. I guess I had to see who the demons were first to see the goodness that is out there. I had a thought today while at work, how much differently I see the world now, with 2 years of education under my belt, and a different lifestyle. It's amazing what change does for someone's view in life. I cannot imaging being this age and still drudging on doing the same thing over and over again like so many people I know do. 

People should constantly grow, or attempt to achieve something. I have to remind myself that my something is on a bigger scale than most and not to look down on others who have smaller goals, but at least be trying to learn, or do something. Drinking at a bar every weekend or every night is not an achievement. Going home with random people is not an achievement. Serial dating is not an achievement. Finding faults in others is not an achievement. Gossip mongering is not an achievement. Revenge is not an achievement. Punishing someone is not an achievement. Lying is not an achievement. 

Who or what you were in high school... is no longer an achievement. 

Remembering the past is not an achievement. 

Forgiving the past is. 

It's something I'll have to slowly work on. I can't make promises. I can only try.