An exercise from my current textbook for a film class "Directing". It's an exercise in determining what kind of stories I want to tell. The marks are the experiences that have shaped my life.
The Reflections List:
- Kuwait. I hate talking about it. The place is ass backwards and an example of what an overly zealous religious lifestyle can do to a community. It is also my foundation for belief in feminism. If you want to "follow a man" then do so, but you shouldn't be legally forced to. Sometimes I like to follow a man. Sometimes I don't. It's my choice, not a law.
- Being a military brat. I hated my life for many years. Always saying goodbye. Always moving. But now I can't imagine have staying in one spot forever. How can people do that?
- Kelso, WA. The one place I didn't have to fear moving from, until the end. I was myself there. The real me. I think the real me still hides up there sometimes. But I also now after this last trip, that I have grown and I'm not a part of that community as much anymore. I am a distant connection. A past, and so are they. It's still home though.
- I don't have a name for this experience. But it was the wild time in my life. A lot of experimentation. I even dated a guy in a local band. It was empowering but exhausting after awhile. I left that phase to pursue my first degree.
- The "Hims" of my past. The control freak who would tell me to not speak unless spoken to at his business meetings, who would dismiss me with a lengthy email whenever I would not do what he wanted, who even controlled my diet and my beliefs, the lazy ass who would work but would piss his income away on beer and shots, whose body I would walk over in the mornings passed out in the hallway from the night before on my way to work - I carrying all the bills.
- My father's mother. The narcissist of the family. The one always making us run and defend ourselves. The one I pray I never become like.
I don't have to continue I already see it.
My experience is in the human experience. Feelings, loss, abuse, hatred, all the nasty emotions we dislike. But also the good ones. I've had good experiences. Good memories. I don't focus on them as I should.
My common theme is I'm never myself. And I resent those who attempt to control me.
And the irony is, I allow them to.
I think I better sign up for the drama crew.